When will black men stop ignoring and denying rape and domestic violence to defend the black male image?

I am gonna ruffle some feathers and I am sure many will just scroll on by and say "I wish she would shut up" but I don't care.


I hate to say this but many black people disgust me with how dysfunction is defended while many protest and hoop and holla about Blue Ivy's hair! 

Whenever a black man is accused of rape or domestic violence dispute here are the following beliefs :
She probably deserved it.
She asked for it.
She's lying.
Just another woman trying to bring a black man down.


For those of you who lack knowledge of rape culture it isn't uncommon for several victims to come out after someone else shares their story. Many women keep their stories to themselves because they know the sexist world we live in.

They know that for every downfall it's the woman's fault.

 They know that they will be called liars because according to society women are inherently evil.

They know that society treat men like animals in that if a man does wrong it is because he could not control himself so you must walk on eggshells to avoid being beat,mistreated or raped.


Notice anytime a woman is accused of molestation NO one bats an eye to even see if there is an opportunity for a lie to be involved?

 No but when a man is accused he is automatically the victim.


Are there some sleezy women who try to come for wealthy men? Yes but please acknowledge the FACT that rapist have no color or socioeconomic status. Please take a look at the numbers of poor men being accused.

The ONLY reason why you don't see more stories of wealthy rapist and it takes YEARS maybe a decade for victims to get alleged justice is because no one wants to believe them.
You mean to tell me that over 10 women have came forward and were paid settlements and there is no possible way Bill could have raped them? The reason why the stories keep circulating is because people ignored it the first time!


There are probably more victims sitting back cringing at the very comments you all make and keeping it on the hush. Why? Because obviously the only issues you care about is when a woman hurts a man. The only issues you care about is when a white man does something to someone black.


Black men do me a favor and stop trying so hard to defend the black male image. You take any issue where a woman is victimized and make it about the war on Black men.
White men rape. Black men rape. Women rape too. Women lie. Men lie.There are you happy??
Now that you can move that mental block creating the cognitive dissonance?


There is a STRONG chance with a small window of doubt that the man you are a fan of is a serial rapist. Will you make this about you or actually care about the victims?


Please do some studying on the rape culture and pull your head out of your ass for a minute to understand that you could be wrong! It is okay to be wrong ya know?


I am so sick of sexism and misogyny, especially as it relates to Black people and their need to defend bullshit like rape and domestic violence against women.

I swear I have stood by and supported many cases of our black men being victims of police brutality ,men not being a part of their kids life because of stupid baby mamas, and I often talk to women about how to respect men and lift their men up ,but I see I need to focus solely on women and children issues if our men can not prove that they have the black woman's back AND stop blaming white folks for everything.


If you think the Cosby allegations having anything to do with a group of white women singling out Bill because he is black please delete me as a friend. Clearly, your "everyone out to get us" mentality is clouding your ability to think! (No denying y'all have it hard ).


Last,but not least, don't you dare call yourself a leader if you can not call out a man that looks like you on his bullshit!


At some point you have to put your feelings aside, and mommy issues and educate yourself on matters other than what you experience!

 If you believe EVERY single black men who was accused of some heinous crime is innocent and EVERY said victim is a liar it is probably a bias or some sort of hate for women you are holding on to. It is probably some kind of pain and your frustration that black men get accused of things all the time. You use issues like this to take personal because you feel you need to defend the black male image. The problem in your thinking is that you are trying to protect yourself from judgement from other races.

 Black men are NOT the only ones to rape, abuse, kill, or be violent towards each other. YOU don't have to defend EVERY man who is accused. YOU were not there and just because you have a hard time believing that women are being victimized does not mean it does not exist. Just because you were taught that all women are greedy,liars, and manipulative does not mean it is fact. Just because you can point out a handful of stories where women were lying or you THOUGHT they were lying does not make it fact.

You have NO IDEA how many women take rape to their graves because they are afraid to tell someone and afraid to get in front of a sexist officer that asks her "what were you wearing? Were you drinking? It is your fault." All things that does not matter in reality. With that said, don't assume that when you have a case of an alleged serial rapist that a group of women are just plotting to bring a man down. Don't assume that just because a woman breaks her speech after a decade that it didn't happen.

In the same breath, you defend a man you don't personally know and say "everything the media says isn't true" "every accusation isn't fact" I can easily say just because you don't want to see your favorite comedian in a negative light doesn't mean the accusations aren't true. Just because you are trying hard to defend the black male image does not mean that Bill or any other man is telling the truth.


If you care more to learn about rape go to www.rainn.org to see the statistics and history. If you want to go even further how about study the psychology and sociology of women and men. Take a history class to learn about the oppression of women. Just as you feel black males are oppressed, women are too. And to go even deeper black women have it hard too. Why ? Because many of our black males are not supporting us on our issues. Instead of admitting that rape and violence toward women happens way more to women than men they try to deny and think of all male victims instead of ALL victims. The difference? Black male victims will be treated as victims even if he is the perpetrator and he will not be blamed.

If a man is beaten by a woman there is nothing but compassion from males, there will be some females who say "maybe he provoked her" but there will be way more females who support this man.

 When a woman is beaten, many men blame the woman for doing something to provoke him or just say "it is her own fault she should have left." Where is the love?

Black women don't feel valued or protected, yet still stand behind the black man on  various issues. Why is that?

As I said in an earlier blog post : There can never be unity among us if the black woman and black man can not see the needs and show compassion for one another. I see far less compassion and support coming from the black man and I am disgusted by it.

When will black men hold other black men accountable and stop automatically denying that rape and domestic violence happens? When will black men stop ignoring every issue that women have to defend a man they don't personally know?

More excuses to not be mad at Ray Rice

Only Black people: So you can't be mad at Ray Rice if you are going to see the movie with Taraji Henson and Idris Alba because he beats her in the movie.

PLENTY of horror movies that goes back for decades involve white men killing beating and killing white women or any person for that matter. I have yet to hear a white person say "Oh I am not gonna go watch that new Jason movie. A white woman is getting beat/killed and it is gonna promote domestic violence.

It is supposed to be suspense and horror but NOOOW that you finally get some black horror movie it is a problem.Are you mad that skeletons are falling out of the closet that this actually happens in real life whether it is shown on screen or not?

Same issue with Scandal. "Why the black woman gotta be the side chick" "it's making black women look bad". Have you not seen Young and the Restless, Days of our lives, and The Bold and beautiful with PRIMARILY white casts engaging in extramarital affairs with white mistresses/side chicks but no one talks about that.

Can we just admit that some of you promote your own slavery? You're so afraid of "looking bad" to other races which means deep down you really believe that we are the worst group of people despite other races doing the same shit we do.

You're holding yourself to a much higher standard than any other group of people, and getting frustrated in the process despite the fact that whether we are perfect or not people will STILL hate us. STOP the madness!

Okay I'm done.And for the record I am not gonna see the movie and I am not a Scandal watcher. It's ridiculous that fictional characters get more backlash than real people.

Why is it that my people pay more attention to entertainment choices than addressing real issues?

Where are the Black men??

Funny how the black men who claim they want the black community to do better are the first ones dismissing domestic violence.

Instead of addressing the perpetrators role they start thinking of women who have hit men to defend men.

News flash: No one denies that women hit men sometimes. But there is something wrong when your only concern is defending the black male image that you ignore black women problems.

I see many black women standing up for black men that are victims of police brutality but when it's time for black men to stand up for our rights and dignity it's nonexistent.

Some of you black men are the most sensitive, egotistical, and irrational guys on the planet. You only see your pain and if you want to know why the black community it's because you're too busy blaming women for their problems, and expect utmost respect and unlimited support even when you are WRONG.

You say black women aren't supportive but anyone with eyes can see women on the streets of Ferguson, women blindly following you behind your non existent rap careers,women standing by you while you cheat and lie. Women not putting you on child support to save your ass women going above and beyond when you don't have a job, women really at arms with others to defend your image but where is the support of black women issues?

Apparently :
Rape is her fault
Abuse is her fault
Sorry baby daddy is her fault
Having to use government assistance is her fault
Getting cheat on and lied to is her fault

But where are you? When will you stop defending the black male image and criticize yourselves just as hard as you go in on women!

The black community is in trouble because of the lack of unity. The black man desires power so much that he ignores the issues of black women. Somehow all of women's issues are pathological and their fault while the black man's issues are because of the white man and black woman?



Update:
I wrote this post in September 2014. As my frustration grew I made a spoken word poem called "Dear Black Man"in February 2015

Drop me a comment and share this if you feel it

Why value isn't enough to end racism

There are so many black people that believe that if "we" just start being better people we will get more respect from other races. If "we" stop all this "black on black crime "we will get get more respect and "they" will stop killing us.

If "we" just get off of welfare, stop watching reality TV, stop listening to rap, and "do better" we will get more respect.

Well let me shut it down and tell you why "value of self" isn't enough.

1) If I see "black on black" crime term again I will scream. Please do your research.  This term was created by black people to rationalize why we are wronged so much. It isn't a real epidemic. If 84-86% of white people kill white people and 94 to 96% of black people kill black people then what is the underlying factor? People victimize people they know. Forget all the "strangers will kill you" crap. Yes it happens but you have a way higher percentage of being victimized by someone you know, acquainted with, or live near. Basic criminal justice knowledge.

STOP acting like black people are the only ones that commit crimes against each other. NOT TRUE!  YES there are some places where black people live where homicide is really high like Chicago. But race itself isn't the only factor. Poverty is the main thing. You put any group of people in an area where joblessness is low, education is poor, and there is a lot of frustration you will see a lot of crime. COMMON SENSE. Only thing is Black people have a smaller chance of "getting out" the hood if they aren't resilient especially with institutional racism in play. Am I saying that black people should not be held accountable for their lives? No not at all what I am saying is if a study shows that a white man with a crack charge has a better chance of getting a job than a black man with no record that is a problem.

If a black teen makes a dumb mistake like stealing from a store or robbing someone because his mom is a single mom working 3 jobs, has no male authority figures, and have struggled in school for years and still struggling this guy may not ever get a second chance. He goes to jail has a record gets out and everywhere he goes turns him down because of a mistake he made long before his frontal lobes are developed. Then what? What will you do if you can't find a job or you are walking around asking people can you cut their grass and they tell you no? They will find drugs to sell because what other choice does he has? Sure everyone will say "he should try harder " but were you in his shoes?

If the same happened to a white kid or Asian kid they are likely to be forgiven easily and has more connections with elite people.

So know that crime in the black community or ANY community has its place. Sure some people have no morals. Sure some people should just make better decisions. But sometimes crime serves as an outlet for frustration and survival.

2) Please STOP acting as if black people are the only ones on World Star or on Reality TV acting a fool I recall reality TV being started by white people and seeing girls on Real World and Bad Girls club wild out, fight each other, and act like little kids. So now it is an epidemic in the black community for entertainment choices such as Real House Wives of Atlanta and Love and Hip Hop? Sure everything is not everybody's cup of tea but please if you think problems will go away because someone stops watching trash television then you don't even have a clue where the problem started.

Then there are the pseudoconscious black folks that don't watch Scandal because "they had to choose a black woman to be a side chick for a white man" "It's just like slavery over and over again". Really people? I recall Days of our lives, As the World turns, and The Bold and Beautiful showing adulterous relationships where it was predominantly white cast where WHITE women were side pieces to WHITE men. So NOW it is a problem because a white man is screwing a black woman? If it were a black man having sex with a white woman on the show there would be "oh look at the interracial love".  SO PLEASE if you think Scandal and TV shows affect our community so much then I think you should think that through a lil bit ESPECIALLY if your life mirrors what is going on on the shows.

3) Rap. Everyone says rap music has ruined this generation. Well let's take a step back and look at the people who raised this generation and then where Hip Hop started. Hip Hop started as an outlet to voice concerns and frustration with police brutality, racism, and the struggle of living in the hood. Pay attention here : the lifestyles were already being lived and someone then came along to share the stories. Now anyone would be naive to believe that music isn't an influence but please stop blaming all of the problems in the black community on rap music! STOP! Sure there is a lot of garbage music out that degrades certain types of women, influence drug selling, murder etc but everyone who listens to it is not gonna do it. It becomes the chicken and egg argument in some cases : I sell drugs I heard music I related too so I listened to it. I heard dreams of making it out of the hood and having money so I listened to it. Think about that.

Blaming rap music for the souls of this generation is pretty much blaming Mcdonalds for your obese child. You didn't have to eat there! You need to see what CDS your kid has on their computers and mobile devices. You need to supervise them PERIOD!

Confession: I love Hip Hop and some rap. I think a lot is garbage. I enjoy lyrics and nice beats. Back before Lil Wayne went commercial I enjoyed his music. He was a lyrical beast with punchlines, stories, and wit. I loved the whole cash money team when it was Juvenile, BG, Turk, Wayne, and the Big Tymers.I love Nas, Lupe Fiasco, some Lil Boosie, some Gucci Mane(although I think he says stupid shit), Yo Gotti, I LOOOOOVE Young Jeezy since before Trap or Die. Something about his confidence and demeanor. I love people like Beanie Sigel, Big Krit, some Jay Z, Pastor Troy, and the list could go on!If you personally know me you know that I have always been a music fan and I do have some "hood choices" lol Judge as you wish! 

 I love all types of music from RnB, to pop, some country. But since we talking about rap wanna guess a few things?  Guess how many drugs I have sold? Guess how many guys I sold sex to? Guess how many people I have killed : 0. Guess how much brand name clothes and expensive shit I buy? Not much.

Do I love to twerk a little? I love dance period. Twerking came from Africa for entertainment but I am not on Youtube posting it soley for the sake of likes and comments and to entice men. Research African dance and you will see that it's been around and moving the hips are not just for video vixens and hoes. I can twerk, I can choreograph  dances without twerking. I can do dances seen by the likes of Aaliyah, Ciara, and Usher. If I got training I could do ballet.

Point is don't judge someone and act as if these  people are the downfall of the community when it is entertainment and these people don't live in your house and don't even engage in your circle. I have a degree from Lander University and I completed 2 years of grad school at the University of South Carolina. If I'm not a worthy woman because I listen to rap and watch some trash television then shoot me for having no criminal record.



4) Welfare : "Black people need to stop living on the system". We aren't the only ones on the system and if you do research for stats you will find that we are not the highest number by race when it comes to welfare. And welfare doesn't make someone lazy either. Sure you probably know some lazy freeloading people but don't let that confuse you and think that black people are the only ones.


So why value isn't enough? Because since the days of Jim Crow and the ones in power have sent messages that Black people aren't human, they are savages that is why they must be slaves and segregated, and "black men are dangerous" has been embedded in media outlets from the beginning of time there will people who will always fear us and hate us. You can think all day that these videos circulating about black people beating up a white person, or doing some stupid shit is making people look on the outside in and think we don't deserve justice then that is racism in itself. So statistics and research show that white men rape people more than any other race, not to say that something is wrong with them but it happens.

 So when I see a white man rape someone I am suppose to take it out on the whole entire race of white people and assume they are all rapist? So when I see a video of a white person calling black people niggers and negroes am I suppose to take it out on all white people and assume they are all that way? What does that do for the victims? You will never hear a white person child get killed by a black person and hear someone else say "well what about white on white crime." What the hell does that do for the victim ? Not a damn thing.

I see people of all races on twerk videos, reality tv, killing each other, doing drugs, etc but you say that if black people stopped doing all this racism would end? Bull shit.

Yes black people have a lot of work to do. We gotta get past the mental slavery that we must be perfect and like everyone else to get justice. We must stop putting each other down and helping each other up. We need to stop worrying and signing petitions for Blue Ivy's hair and other dumb shit and focus on being better for the sake of being better.

Why value isn't enough? We really need to value ourselves and stop thinking being close to being flawless is going to make others treat us better. That is pretty much ignoring the fact that other races have some of the same problems we do!

 This "if we value us others will " mindset is similar to that of how women and children are mistreated. We are told that if they just be obedient and quiet all would be good knowing that we can barely control ourselves, let alone try to control others.
Slave mentality!

The ones who hold the power are the only ones to fix this. This is the problem with White supremacy. We can definitely try our hardest to hold positions for power but until we get there and start protesting a lot of the matters where institutional racism exists nothing may change. Even then, if white supremacy is profitable it may never change but we sure can try.

So yes we need to do better and value ourselves more. That goes for any group of people. Yes we got problems but c'mon lets not ignore that the human race in general got problems.

 The next time someone says if black people would do better and value ourselves more we would get treated better remind them that Malcolm X and Martin Luther King were shot in suits. You're not exempt because you are educated and don't look like a thug.

The problem is we aren't the only people filled with hate the whole world is. Hate and evil has to end and compassion and understanding must begin. Get an education(not just limited to a classroom setting), Mentor a young person. Start supporting black businesses. Stop hating others for nothing. Start spreading love and don't lose your voice.

The. End.

Where is the outrage for Black on Black Crime!

Wanna know why there is no black on black crime protests? Because Black perpetrators whether they kill a black or white person actually serve time in prison and are held accountable for their actions. If a black person without money kills a white person even though rare statistically they almost always get the death penalty.

Also because there are also no white on white crime protests. Or Asian on Asian crime protests or Latino on Latino protests. If 84 to 86 % white murderers kill other white people and 94 to 96% of black people kill black people (people they know!) then why are people demanding ONLY black people protest it if there is barely a difference statistically?

There are protests for cops and cop wannabes who have a LONG history of killing unarmed people (high numbers being black people) because they are not held accountable. Racial profiling, harassment against homeless, mentally ill, women or anyone who they KNOW they can get away with killing they will do it because they know as long as there are no cameras they can make up anything.

Without cameras they will always paint the black person as aggressive or deserving of death and leave their bodies on the street for hours.And they will barely get a slap on the wrist so long as the victim's family can't afford a good lawyer or the jury is not chosen fairly.

So please stop making it about just black people getting mad because a white person killed a black person. It is NOT for those who actually studied this stuff in depth.

It is about cops and cop wannabes needing to stop racial profiling, harassing others, and abusing their position of power and actually get punished!

When they do actually get PUNISHED for it in the same way the black man kills another black man or a white man kills another white man who are NOT cops people will stop protesting!

Why is that so hard to understand? If your unarmed sister, brother, son, uncle or daddy gets shot by a cop are you gonna say " well others get killed all the time". What exactly do they have to do with the individuals involved who were wronged?

It's not about protesting interracial murders people. An outrage isn't needed when perpetrators are punished and cops are treated the same way as the people they arrest! Got it? It's levels to this ish!

Shut the HELL UP about the ALS Bucket Challenge Pseudoconscious Black folks

I can't stand when people who aren't doing anything to help a cause tear down those who do. Some of you self-righteous pseudo conscious black people make me sick.

"I won't participate in the ice bucket challenge because back in 1862 they poured water over slaves head and killed them" Do you honestly think that racist people think that much of us to create a challenge for the SOLE focus of disrespecting black people? Why the hell are ALL races participating then? Intent is everything pretty much ANYTHING has an alternative meaning to it.

"ALS don't affect black people so why participate" the same reason why you think people should support us in fighting anything else!

Where the hell is your money or time, or awareness challenge when any other disease that does affect black people come up? I haven't seen it! There is no logic in that!

I am a black person raising money for help with fibromyalgia I have had two very nice people donate and I know you see it on your timeline but you mad cuz someone else donating to a "white people" cause whatever the hell that is LOL Hell I don't have ALS but I know several black women with Lupus and Fibromyalgia that are in similar pain as those but I don't see y'all trying to raise awareness for that!

Bottom line:. If you not devoting time or money to any cause then SHUT THE HELL UP about the ones that are!

"You just need to get out more" "You just need to enjoy yourself more"

 "If you just got out of the house more you wouldn't be in as much pain." "If you just enjoy yourself you won't be as tired or in pain." "Everyone needs time to their self"------->Says the person with no work restrictions, no kids, and no chronic illness.

Why gee I'd love to take advantage of that except it costs money to get a break from your kids. It costs money to take care of myself(buying herbs, vitamins, foods, raising money for medical tests, etc) yet I can't work a "regular" job to pay myself so you know what I do?

Spend hours online looking for new clients and doing the work I was hired to do by the few clients I have in the LITTLE time that I have . Mind you that is  ALL in the midst of tantrums, fights, cooking,cleaning, teaching and caring for kids with chronic pain,fatigue, brain fog, weakness, and 100 other things going on in my body.

So sure if you want me to have a break I will gladly accept donations for a babysitter, cab fare, plus money to go somewhere, a cook, a maid, and money to hang out. I'd love one but until then it's grind time and if I don't at least try I will be way worse off. So in the process I will put myself through more pain TRYING to do what I can since NO one else is gonna take care of me.

You're gonna pay my bills or nah?  You gonna come watch my kids when I'm in too much pain or extreme fatigue to move and when I want to "hang out" or nah? Just asking.

When you tell me what I can do to get better you damn sure better provide some help with the solutions you suggest.Until then I will be overworking myself because I have no other choice.

Believe me. I do everything I can to get better you may not understand it because you think you know it all. You don't know how hard I try. You don't feel what I feel. So thanks for your suggestions but will you be providing for me? I think not.

Thanks for your understanding.


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